Baby Swimming Lessons

So, we take Hudson to swimming lessons, when I say we, I mean mostly Kim. I usually refuse to get in my togs in front of 100s of people (yes, I said 100s, this swimming lesson business is crazy). I basically sit on the side-lines, watching, smiling and taking way too many photos. Anyway, last weekend, Kim was sick. Full on man-flu sick. So of course, he couldn’t swim, so I grudgingly, decided I would do it. I mean, how bad could it be.

Now swimming lessons could be worse, first of all, my child is not generally a crier, he’s pretty chilled most of the time. Second of all, he loves the water, if he had it his way, he would never get out, so Hudson is 100% not the problem in this scenario. Also let it be noted that I think swimming lessons are super important. Especially living in Queensland. But I definitely enjoy it more, when Dad does it.

So here I am (we took no pictures, soz) in my togs, in front of all these people, feeling awkward because all of the other parents are swimming lesson pros and newbie over here doesn’t even know where to stand. We start off by singing a few songs, I of course don’t know the words, plus I’m a bit socially awkward, so I’m just kind of moving my mouth, stabbing Kim with my eyes for being sick all while bobbing Hudson up and down with a smile on my face. Next we start doing some ‘swimming moves’ yep, even at 9 months they get them doing actual swimming moves, it’s actually pretty cool. But because newbie over here doesn’t know what the f*** she’s doing the instructor has to demonstrate on a little floatie baby especially for me, I can literally feel the other parents death glaring me as we have to stop in-between moves, thinking, ‘this is why they recommend swimming lessons to be done consistently be one parent, stupid head’ OK, maybe they didn’t think ‘stupid-head’ but you get my drift.

I’m finally getting into the swing of things, I’ve mastered the moves, I’m singing the songs and then BAM!!!! The little baby next to us spews, all in the pool. And that little baby is obviously on solids, because that shit is chunky. So what do I do? I don’t really have anywhere to move so I’m pretty much stuck basking in the spew, trying to make sure Hudson doesn’t try and swallow the water. And then the instructor just comes over and kind of pushes the spew away. Ugh. Gross.

And we move on, and the rest of the swimming lesson is pretty cute. Then with a last song, and a high-five, it’s over. Then it dawns on me, how the f*** do I get out of the pool. I’m usually a ‘go to the ladder, and get out’ type of gal. But if I do that, I’ll have to go through another groups swimming lesson. So I try to jump out. With no upper body strength. I basically get out as gracefully as a Panda climbing a tree. I basically pull myself up like I’m on the edge of the cliff about to fall to my death and graze both of my knees on the way out. I look at Kim and he’s literally pissing himself laughing. Geez thanks. I’ve never walked to the changing rooms so fast in my life and it’s fair to say, dad will 100% be continuing with the swimming lessons from now on.

Thanks for reading ✌ xx