So I’ve always had mild anxiety. I was the kid who felt like I was just a little bit different than the other kids. I was the teenager who was terrified of putting myself in unknown social situations and I was the adult who over thought everything. Like, god forbid I do anything in life without a very thought out plan. Anyway, I accepted this was part of who I was. I was fine, I thought, I’m just shy… I like to be organized. Pfft.
For some reason, before I had Hudson it was like my anxiety was a lady of leisure, coming and going as she pleased. After having Hudson though, unfortunately, she was here to stay. Women are already more prone to anxiety, I actually read that one in three women experience anxiety in their life time (which is twice as much as men, just sayin’) and it’s all because of the hormonal changes that come with having a vagina. Seriously, it’s a thing. I researched it.
So it makes sense why anxiety becomes worse post partum, our hormones are hay wire… But I’m almost 11 months post partum and I still don’t see it going away. I have days where I’m so stressed and anxious that I’m breaking out in rashes. I have major insomnia and sometimes I don’t even want to leave my house. Don’t get me wrong, I also have days when I’m absolutely fine. But the one thing my days have in common is, I. Over. Think. Everything. From whatever Hudson is doing that’s ‘different’ that day to why someone at work looked at me weird.
To be honest I dont really have any coping mechanisms when the anxiety strikes, I usually just deal and push it aside until it goes away. Or try watch some trashy TV to take my mind off of it. Maybe I’ll eat some chocolate. Or if it’s really bad, I’ll go have a drink with my friends.
I don’t even know why I’m writing this blog post to be honest, maybe it’s just to vent, maybe it’s to justify my emotions to myself, maybe it’s so other mummas don’t feel alone. I mean, our bodies did become a temporary housing unit for nine months and now we are solely responsible for keeping a tiny human alive (OK maybe not solely, but you get my drift) so maybe it’s just normal to feel anxious.
Maybe it’s also in the hope that someone will read this and let me know how they deal with their anxiety… Do people have coping mechanisms? Or should I just up my wine intake? Hahaha, that was a joke (kind of, OK, maybe not).
Anyway, anxiety is a bitch and I hope anyone reading this, who suffers from anxiety, knows they’re not alone.
Thanks for reading ✌️